Tomorrow is a Rumor, Life is Happening Now

In thinking back to this time last year, I was curious – did I actually make the changes I'd jotted down in my ambitious list of professional and personal goals and desires? I'm sure many of you are doing something similar.

Reflecting on my relationships, most sail relatively smoothly. However, the true test comes with changing schedules, last-minute communication, and unexpected shifts. It's a fantastic opportunity to practice intentional flexibility – something I've mastered in handling my own changes, but admittedly, not always so gracefully with others. Noticing the rising energy, shallow breathing, and jaw clenching when faced with unexpected shifts from external sources, can I slow down enough to observe these bodily reactions, and more importantly, decide how I'm going to navigate them?

Where is your agency?

Because being upset is a fact of life. Tension, discomfort, to be in opposition with how life is...but where is your agency in what to do with those facts?

Perhaps as you look back over your year, you see some things haven't budged. The needle hasn't moved much with certain family relationships, or if you're a business owner, you're not attracting the kind of clients you'd like, or not making the money you know you could earn.

Or, you're still upset with your boss and you're thinking about quitting. And, if you're the boss, the culture or morale of your business or department is deflated or feels ‘off’. Are you connecting the dots with all that to how you’re showing up? I'm curious if what you said last year, or the year before that, would change and hasn't? I’m not talking mostly changed. The residual 20% of the thing that you still think about is still costing you. Avoidance has a huge price tag and you end up directing more resources in affinity, time and money pushing it away than you think.

Could this be the year to get those things handled? But why start in January? Life is happening now. And no guarantees tomorrow will happen. It’s a rumor at best. 

And, like it or not, most decisions, personal or professional, are emotional. Having a skillset is wise to observe how your reactivity is building your intelligence, your capacity to handle things immediately and effectively. 

I’ve coined the term ‘death by a thousand qi leaks’. It's all the small, seemingly insignificant reactivities in your day and over time, accumulate. For example, how do you start your day when you wake up? Not wanting to get up or feeling guilty about not going to the gym or meditating, then your toast burns? Metro is late, the line is really long at the DMV or at the bank. The wifi isn't working and your BF texted that ‘they want to talk’.  How much of your reactivity is unobserved, and it's only 9am! No wonder you’re exhausted.

Maybe you could practice wellness or professional development skills but ones that don't require doing anything drastic. It might require courage, and slowing down and some keen observation work, but you can do it from anywhere (no fancy equipment or time set aside!)

How is life going to be different this time next year? (Hint: the best time to start is now).

You say, Oh, I just need some time off. 

Really? 

When I hear this, I hear ‘I'm so exhausted that I can't imagine things being different’. I have definitely had some amazing vacations and well-rested time off. They've helped with getting some distance and perspective. But I did that, not my vacation surroundings. I ‘body’ different on vacation. A few years ago, I committed to really, really designing and practicing calm and presence moment to moment - you know, designing my vacation body when I'm not on vacation!

A vacation has no guarantees of changing anything should bad news come your way. Time away is important, but what if it was time off for the joy of it rather than ‘need to escape these people/this place’. Because the situation won't change, but you can DESIGN how you interact with it.

For example, I had an eye appointment this week that never happened. Even after speaking with the receptionist last week who scheduled me, I waited for an hour to be informed there was a mistake, and I'd have to wait another 2 hours to see the doctor. 

Here's the moment. 

As I said above, where is my agency in what to do with the facts?

Are you busy, too? Do you have time to sit in waiting rooms where you've been confirmed to see a doctor but come to find out you're not on the schedule? Perhaps you don't have the convenience of a car as I did, or you have little ones or other things to attend to that require you showing up. I had client meetings, but I still had a choice in how I responded to this young man bearing unwelcome news. I did not tense up whatsoever. Not one qi leak! I literally can't afford to be upset. I knew I could affect this human in front of me if I reacted in a way that would infect him and everyone he came in contact with today. He apologized profusely and I thanked him.

This happened all by design.

How could your life be different NOW if you chose to do something radical, yet simple. You decide that no one is going to push your buttons. You are in charge of your own ‘switches’. Is that time now? Because if not now, when?

Really, when?

You've grown accustomed to accepting that the other person is the problem, when it’s how you are showing up in that dynamic. It's always been this way. You have control over you. Wouldn't it be great if you ended this year saying I'm going to work on my personal and professional development and build my capacity to deeply change this - to speak up, not yell, to be direct, not coy, in what I want in my life. Humans need other humans to human better. We need you to be in your power as much as you need it.

Skills for Life

I taught my last two-hour in-person wellness program Humaning Well skills class of 2023. The attendees were brilliant, curious and present. They experienced how to use upset as wisdom, observe those sensations or symptoms to recognize the story they're telling and then to make effective requests to actually get things done!

Situations in their lives now have an opportunity to be redesigned to decrease their stress, increase their agency with their colleagues and family members. Just in time for the holy-days!

There's never enough time. Time is an agreement vs. ‘real’.

There's never enough money. Money is also an agreement. If we're going to make it, use it to invest what you want to see in the world. Sometimes that's yourself, and other times it's other people and both at the same time when we work together! 

Let me know if this resonates and let’s have a conversation for curiosity.

May these holy-days be full of nourishment and deep listening to yourself and your kin.